Ice Cube, what happened to you?

I know that we've all seen this picture before, and if not, here you go:

Here's the thing, I know that Cube was never a real deal gangbanger, but seriously....now a days with a show on TBS and these godawful Coors Light commercials where he talks about being 'Cold' how am I ever supposed to take anything he does seriously again. Not that I ever listened to Ghetto Bird or Lethal Injection and thought this was the life for me, but at least I could think to myself, "Here is a black guy with some legit issues and he is pissed off about it, and now I am pissed off that he is being treated this way. Fuck the police and the man. Sonsabitches".

I would listen to Gangstas Make the World Go Round and see Cube, W.C., and Mack 10, all bad ass and think to myself, "Goddamn right we do." and now I see this:

 Family comedy? Really O'Shea Jackson? This is what you became? I don't care if it's for money or not. You were already rich, you did not need money this bad to do a stupid and terrible family movie, and 3 months later make some shitty rap album about how you're still hardcore, to be followed by some awful commercial where you intimidate a beer can by claiming you're colder than said beer can.

Ice Cube died in 2007 when this movie came out, let's remember him for his good stuff. Shit that made you nod your head and roll in the car with a little gangsta lean.

Once again, a reason to live.

This is me without the NFL:

I had been this way since the end of last season, and I am this way every time the Super Bowl ends. But this time it was different. At the end of this last Super Bowl, there was really a good chance that the NFL was not going to return...this meant nothing to do on Sundays during the Fall/Winter. Sure I could have gone and done something 'recreational', but what is the fun in that? With no NFL I had no reason to get up on a Sunday. You're probably thinking, "Well what about the off season?". It's different. In the off season, I expect no football, but I look forward to it, and thus I can get up on Sunday and do other things like spend time with people I like or clean or whatever normal people do on Sundays. During football season however, that is all a Sunday consists of + grilling.

Football + Grilling = Sunday from September to February.

Of course there are other elements for that there math equation above, like shit talking, fantasy leagues, beer, making fun of specifically the Redskins, but I figured I would simplify. Anyways, this whole off season has been a bunch of rich assholes arguing about who becomes more rich and who is getting the shaft not truly realizing who is actually getting the shaft: THE FANS! What were we all going to do without the NFL?? Kill myself the first Sunday of September is what I was thinking...

Thankfully, I don't have to do that now :) Now that football will return, I have a reason to spend 60 dollars on Madden 2012, I have reason to never leave my home on a Sunday, and most of all, I have something to get me through the dreadful season of Fall/early Winter. (Actually, most importantly, I have reason to wear my jersey and root for the greatest NFL team of all time, the NY GIANTS) Thank you NFL, I am glad you put your giant ego's aside and were able to come to a decision that allowed all of you to make more millions all for playing a child's game just so myself as well as millions of others did not have to kill ourselves.

With all that being said, I just want to point out to all my idiot Redskin fan friends, good luck with this Jabroni as your QB:

Opening day: Redskins 3, GIANTS 27

Oh and to Dallas fans, have fun with this momo as your QB, I promise he will cry again this season as he loses yet another big game:



Why do you advertise here?!!

Don't you hate when you see an ad for something that is nowhere around you!? Like back home, they ALWAYS ran Sonic commercials, but the closest Sonic is 2 hours away...Hey thanks TV broadcasting guy who decided to run Sonic commercials knowing damn well there is no Sonic around me. Dick. Now a days in Boston they always run commercials for Taco Bell, and not that I eat Taco Bell ever really, but you know after seeing a million commercials a day with that guy from the Daily Show telling me about burrito supremos, I want some Taco Bell.

Stop advertising shit that is not around me TV networks. Thanks.

Sociopath - a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

I was told today that I was a sociopath. This said to me by my also sociopathic friend. Exact quote "Calm down you fucking sociopath". The contents of what this was said in reply to really has no relevance, it was nothing that which needed this response. Nor did I take the response seriously. Anyways, the point I am trying to make is that if you think about it, we are all sociopaths. At least my and my friends are, and any tight knit group of friends will be.


Any group of friends shows a constant pervasive patter of disregard for, and violation of the rights of others. Think I am full of shit? Just think of the last time you and your buddies got drunk, one of them passed out, doesn't matter who because its a pervasive pattern, and you drew on their face/proceeded to trash the house of/steal weed and smoke it/steal beers and drink them/call said person an asshole, take stupid picture of them and then leave for the bar and leave them there puking and falling asleep only to come back and repeat the entire cycle. Now think of how many times a year, for how many years, this has happened. If its anything like me and my sociopath friends, its been happening for a long time and all the time. 


I wish I had half the pictures and videos as I used to post of all the stupid shit we did to our friends, but for professional reasons, they have been destroyed I guess. Anyhow, we all refer to sociopaths as people who are murders, serial rapists, molesters, and yeah they are. In a not completely fucked up way, aren't we all? Obviously I don't mean like we all kill, but I mean we all do have a constant disregard and violation of our friends rights. But I feel like that is a right we earn as friendships grow. Wouldn't you say? I mean it takes time to build friendships to be able to have an email thread like this one (names have been converted to race of friend, and its color coded to spot new emails, obviously):

Hey donkeys, i'll be back home for 10 days or so from Aug 3 to 14.  I'm looking forward to bumming around with you bums and taking in some DC summertime shenanigans.  I'm thinking we should do something for that weekend of Aug 5, 6, and 7.  I know some of you guys are headed to Ohiopyle this weekend, but i'd definitely be down for another camping trip when I come out, maybe to Shenandoah or something?  Would also be down for a beach trip, if we can get something cheap and fun together on short notice.

Anybody got any ideas or already know of some fun happenings that week?

Amir, i know you live in ginger city now, but you should come back for this extravagance.  Jew Friend, same for you.

Exuberantly,

White Friend

Nope, I will be in town about 3 days after you leave White Friend. So change your shit up and leave the 18th dickbutt. To take over this thread, I will be in town 17-21, GK Concert 20th.




Lets do an OC trip.  This group of assholes has not been to that city together in a long time.  I'm thinking tiki bar, seacrets and yelling at people on the OC buses.


Calm down you fucking sociopath

haha - Turkish Monkey must be having a bad day.  Amir - there will be no stealing of the thread, and you are the one who should come down early, douchenugget.

White Friend #2 - work on the wicked witch of the west, and let us know asap, if not then lets work on a roach motel.

You guys be careful on the river this weekend, and make sure to push Black Friend in the rapids to test out his doggie paddle

Also, back-up plan could be a day of sailing on the bay?

Turkish Monkey, I think you did too many drugs at allgood man.

White friend, I can't so move your flight back, or just come to Boston Clownpenis.

When you all go to Ohiopyle, make sure you do push Black Friend, but also make sure you toss him a life vest as we all know that about after 3 mins he will give up on life and proceed to drown to death. 

Men, this thread is as entertaining as showing you all my naked body was. I will not take part in any of the before mentioned festivities except sailing.

Femininely yours,


Other Persian Friend


I am down for sailing and/or masterbating with all of you in White Friend #2's beach house. 10000% down for gypsy kings on aug 20th, has neone bought tix for that yet?


Not having a bad day. Or was the comment caused by the too many drugs I took this weekend. Just calling Amir out for trying to make the thread about himself.


Sociopath - a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others = Amir 


So maybe I do make shit about me, hence a blog about what is streamlining through my brain while I write, but never-the-less, perhaps its not so bad being a sociopath in a group of friends. Clearly, we have no regard for each other nor anyone else (ie, yelling at people on the bus). But that is what makes friendships awesome, and being a sociopath even more awesome. 


Happy Hump Day Friendos! Here is my friend Turkish Monkey

Simple Logic or Mostly Me Just Bitching About People on The Train

We have all been in that situation where we just think to ourselves, "Why can't this person just do X". X being whatever the situation calls for really. It breaks down to simple logic. I notice more and more, that people just do not think logically when they need to, or in general don't think at all. Example, when you are walking down a hallway/sidewalk/store aisle and someone else is walking towards you and you do that weird stare down, followed by the thought of "Ok I'll go left, wait..he went left, ok I'll go right, GODDAMNIT WHY DID HE GO RIGHT! Ok lef...goddamnit..." and next thing you know your just standing in front of each other and you do the stupid laugh and say "Ha, sorry". If people thought logically, like myself, just think of it as if you were in your car; always pass with each other on your left. It's easy, takes no time to figure out, and avoids all stupid looking hallway shuffles.

Next on the list of things to do logically really only pertains to you if you take public transportation on a daily basis (which really means I'm just annoyed with people on the train). However, if you do, you feel my pain and want to do this when the following things happen:

Look, if you are waiting to get on a train, please, just think to yourself what would be the easier choice. Would it be getting on the train before the 40 people who need to get off the train actually get off? Or would it be easier to let the 40 people off, because the train is not going to leave with people stepping off a train onto a platform, and then get on when there are less people rushing at you and more room on the train? If you are a visual learner here is a illustration for you to learn from:

I mean seriously though, wouldn't simple logic just tell you to wait a second and then get onto the train?? Yes, it would. Not only would it, but it does. It's people who choose not to listen to said logic and be the dumb red and grey arrow.

Next on the list of illogical things that happen on the train is the place in which you choose to stand on said train. Listen buddies, if you know you only need to go 2 stops, don't get on the train, walk to the very back, stand there in a huge crowd of morning rush hour people, then get pissed off when your stuck in a crowd of people and it's a giant pain in the ass for you to get off the train. It's not us, who chose our spots wisely, who are being pains in the ass. It is you, the jabroni who knew he/she had 2 stops to go and is now yelling "Excuse me! EXCUSE ME!" standing in the back of the train, pushing and shoving through crowds of old people and pregnant moms being a total dick. Why don't you think before you get on the train, like I do. I know that everyday I go 7 stops on the train. This allows me to know where to stand to easily get off the train when the time comes without having to push and shove other citizens on their morning commute and be a total asshole. You know why I can do this? Because, as I just stated, I thought about it. If we all just THINK LOGICALLY we can achieve great things, it's really not that difficult. Going 2 stops? Stand by the door. Going 13 stops? Go to the back of the train. Simple.

There are a billion examples of where logic does not come into play when it's time to make a decision. Entire websites are dedicated to it, mostly Epic Fail, but perhaps if we see it in writing and use every day examples, people will start to learn. Probably not, but its worth a shot.

P Dogg and Friends

I know the world is very much divided, even when it comes to pets. You're either a dog person, or cat person, or reptile, or something. I am very much a dog person, and strongly....very strongly, I mean like almost just hate them and could really not care less if they were never around, dislike cats. They are some sort of devil animal. You can't trust the face of a cat. Who knows what that evil thing is thinking. Does it want food, or is it going to attack me? Why is it just sitting in a corner staring like a weirdo and just weirdly batting its tail at me?? Furthermore, I am deathly allergic to felines so that down right means they are terrible.

DOGS! however, are just the opposite. You always know when a dog is happy. Example A:

(The glare in the eyes is from the camera, not from Lucifer like within cats) Anyhow, it's real simple to figure out what a dog is thinking. If it's happy, it smiles, if it's pissed, it growls.

Also, unlike the devil, I mean cat, dogs are happy to help you out, and you are their best friend. When is the last time a cat did anything for you? Never, it just took a shit in a box that you have to clean inside your home. At least dogs deuce it up outside...just sayin, but back to my point about help. Will a cat ever bring you beer? No, but a dog will, example B, my friends brown lab:

Yeah, that happens with dogs. My point is, the only reason I see keeping a cat as a pet, is if you want something that will just leave you alone, and all you have to do is put out food and clean the shitbox in your laundry room/toilet/basement then ok, do your thing I guess...Clearly dog people have made the better choice. Don't get me wrong, I have met a couple of cool cats, but not many in the grand scheme of things. Even when dogs do stupid things that piss you off, ultimately its funny. For instance, my dog loves to eat trash, has ever since I have had her, since 6 month old. Now at 11 years old, she still likes to eat trash, and when I see the trash, at this point, I just laugh, because its like "Well, I mean, you've been doing this for so long, why bother, do your thing P dog" Cats however, just make you mad, because they claw you, and only ever claw you or pee in your house. 

Also, crazy dog people are just a little crazy. Like they color its hair and put it in a bag and carry it around the mall with them. Fucking cat people man, they build a jungle gym in their home and have like 30 cats, and they smell like cats...its weird man. Weeeeeird. 

Another great point is, (yes, I did just call my point great before I made it) dogs will pretty much do anything you want them to with you. Want go for a walk, so does your dog. Want watch TV, so does your dog. Want to sleep, so does dog. Want to go surfing, so does dog. Not so much with the cats. Want to go for a walk, cat will claw your face. Want to sleep, cat will pee and claw your face. 

All cats have going for them is that, they are cute as kittens, and that LOLCat internet thing. You know this thing:

Dogs have way more. All reasons listed above in addition to riding scooters/motorcycles (btw, your dog rules  for doing this Emily)

Dogs 1 Cats 0. And last, but not least, one of the greatest dogs I have ever known the one and only, Zues (The Lab, his little friend Ajax is pretty cool too I guess):

 Have a great weekend friendos.

PS- I just wanted to update you guys on the Monk blog. This legit happened today on my way home from work. Right on the corner of Mass Ave and Boylston St. A Monk trying to "give" a book away, for money...Just look at the one kids smile, he's thinking "No thanks dude, I don't want your shitty book"

Welcome to Amereeeeca!!

Coming from a band of gypsy people, and also a foreign family where English was clearly a very second language....(Just say this phonetically and you will know what I mean "Vat do you tink you are doing? Do you tink just beecuz you are in deh Ahmreeca you can be asskhole kid?"...My dad liked to say this to me a lot) anways, I really have a special place in my heart for foreign people. They can be a big pain in the ass, or they can be awesome. Most of the foreign people we think of a pain in the ass are, people who we see driving slowly or terribly so we instantly judge them for being foreign, cab drivers, store workers, etc. etc... you get the point. I feel we don't give these gypsys enough of a chance to see how they actually are as a human being. Take some time on your next cab ride from the bar at 1 am and talk to the cabby and see how cool he is.

Ok enough of the "don't judge lest ye be judged" shit. The point of this blog is that I really enjoy seeing foreign people getting shit-faced in the good ol USA. I came from a family where we were the ONLY non white American family in the neighborhood. There were non Americans, but they were still white so it didn't count to me. Anyways, I noticed as the older I got and the more I would hang out in DC I would meet au pairs, people here on business, or just tourists from all over the world who liked getting hammed up as much as I do, but they enjoy it so much more when they are in America. I'm sure they go to bars in their respective countries, but when they are here, it's something else. I know when me and my gypsy friends (we all come from various nations; Iran, Greece, Bulgaria, Spaniards of some nature, Jordanians, and even a couple of classic white people) we have a great time and the mixing of cultures makes things interesting to say the least, or ridiculously annoying for people who have to walk by and listen to a bunch of assholes speaking with stupid accents because they are drunk, but its not the same because we 100% take for granted the fact that we can get kicked out of a bar for being loud assholes and then yell at the bouncer and tell him how big a douche he is and then just go to the next bar over. Our foreign pals who come here are complete opposites however, they get waste face and just enjoy the fact that they are in America and having a great time with us Americans, the mentality is amazingly different. I assume it would be the same if I went over seas, but seeing as how I've only been to Mexico and was robbed twice by the police and the maid staff, I can't say that it is. I can say I will never step foot into that goddamn country again, and yes its judgmental but I dont really care. Fuck Mexico. Canada is cool though, they don't care about anything and have sweet Molson Export.

Maybe it's just the fact that they are on vacation or whatever, or maybe its because they realize America rules, but whatever the reason, I like how our foreign pals get lit up when they come to our hood and don't cause problems, they're just here for a good time.

Cheers Gypsys

Monks and Panhandlers...is there a difference?

We've all seen this guy on the street asking for money:

But is that guy any different than this guy?

The easy answer is yes, but the real answer is no. I can't tell you how many times I have been at a concert, 4th of July thing, whatever involves a bunch of people in one area and one of these panhandling monks shows up and asks me for a "donation". Now don't get me wrong, I clearly know that not all Monks are like this, but the majority of Monks I have had a run in with, are. I've also seen them on my way to and from work from the train station just asking for straight cash with no book to give me like the ones at concerts.

I figure, if you're going to ask me for money, then you need to give me something in exchange, hence why I will usually ask 'One Arm Push Up Guy' (A local panhandler here in Boston) to do at least 20 one arm push ups for the dollar he is about to get, or I ask a panhandler for a sweet story about how he became so broke (if I have time to kill, or I have been drinking). At least this way, I get something for giving someone some of my hard earned money. I mean seriously, who just asks for money with nothing to offer? At least the guy in the above picture lets you verbally abuse him, not that I am into that kind of thing, but someone out there def is and will pay to call that guy a scumbag or worse. Point being, YOU HAVE TO OFFER SOMETHING.

The moral of this story is, that Monks are nothing but new age panhandlers who say they will give you the book about vegan diets or whatever it is Monks are into these days, but giving is not giving when you follow it instantly with "...for a small donation". Listen buddy I don't have a small donation, and I like to eat steak. You probably shouldn't be trying to sell your books at NIN concert (I've had a lot of run-ins with Monks at NIN concerts amazingly) and even if I did have a small donation, it wouldn't go to you, it would go to one arm push up guy because at least he does something cool, you just meditate sometimes and sell shitty books about shitty food. I get that you are at least offering something like you should be, but take off the orange suit, grab a piece of cardboard and write "Will sell shitty book for a couple bucks" on it and join your fellow panhandling peers where you belong, on a street corner.

#1

It's like this. Everyone gets to rant and rave via blogs and/or podcasts. Well, if you know me, you know I used to have my podcast, until my co-host died. Sad :'(  Anyways, since the podcast was really nothing more than 2 dudes taking bingers on a radio show, I figured I would move on to the blog.

Now then, with all that being said here is the first blog of 'Pro Status'.

Call centers are an interesting place to work to say the least. You get a berjillion calls a day from random people who either want to buy something, yell at you, or just waste your time with stupid stories about their goddamn cats. Now, occasionally, you do get a cool ass old guy calling who's just talking about something awesome like drinking or his wife spending his money so he just buys guns to piss her off (yes I did take that call today...) anyways, mostly its just people calling to yell at you or buy something stupid and then get pissed off that they bought something stupid so they call back to yell at you to tell you its stupid or not what they ordered.

Here is what I wish. I wish, I wish.... I F'ING WISH, I could tell these people,

"Hey asshole, why in goddamn god's name would you think you're getting a fucking trampoline when you fucking paid 12 dollars for something that says 'TRAMPOLINE SPRINGS -TRAMPOLINE NOT INCLUDED' and then have the fucking balls to call me an asshole because my company sold it to you?!?!?!"

Instead, I have to tell them,

"Well I am certainly sorry to hear that a trampoline was not included. I do see that it says in big letters 'TRAMPOLINE NOT INCLUDED' but what I can do for you is set up a return on those springs. If you like, I can call you back with the return information."

After some more yelling and calling me an asshole, they agree. This is what makes it fun for me. I never call back. HAHAHAH  F YOU CONSUMER! (To be fair, I do call back people I like, but like the food industry rule of 'DON'T F WITH PEOPLE WHO HANDLE YOUR FOOD' there is a call center rule too; DON'T F WITH PEOPLE WHO HANDLE YOUR MONEY! Yea you will get your cash back, but if your nice, you can get all of it back and quickly, but if you're a dick, it might be a while and it will probably be half of your money.

That is all for now.

PS - If you haven't picked up on a few things
 #1 - I like to rant.
#2 - I like commas.
#3 - I do what I want. Whatever.